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My Fridge Is Too Loud

And last night.. it got the best of me.

I mean it's really really loud. I may have grown hypersensitive, because I already had a previous fridge replaced. But it's constant incessant droning hum finally made me crack. I kicked it a few times, creating a few crater like dents in it's door. This includes one highly visible dent at the very top of the door.

Unfortunately there was a 3/4 full left-over beer inside and it splashed around wildly, coating everything in that ucky-beer-smell. One of the vegetable-drawers had also come out of it's track and had cracked a little. I grabbed some paper towels and began drying off the inside of my fridge but at some point (and it may have been before or after this) I realized that the fridge-door-handles were taunting me.

So I ripped the fridge and freezer door handles off. Then I used them to hit the fridge a couple of times (they shattered.. cheap pieces of shit). Then I opened up the fridge and hit the freezer-door-guard rails, causing them to snap out. The butter-door, for it's part, had long since popped out out of it's rightful place (the external pressures of my foot vs. the door being the primary reason). I picked up my sponge mop and made a few stabbing motions at the fridge shelves, which caused the end of the sponge mop to break off. Frustrated that my mop stick wasn't having the desired effect, I picked up a fridge shelf sitting aside the fridge (I only used 3 out of 4 fridge-shelves inside the actual fridge), and bent it in half.

At various points in time I took a few more running kicks at my fridge. My egg timer that had been sitting on top of the fridge had fallen off and broken itself, so I threw it off my balcony. I piled the carnage off to the side of the kitchen and as I slept that night, I fantasized about taking a pick-axe to the wall. Some fucking thing inside the walls constantly pings pings ping ping ping ping ping and random ping intervals ping ping ping ping. It might have something to do with the heating thingy, but I don't really care.

So today I'm headed off to the mall to proposition a salesman "You are going to make a sale today if you can show me a fridge that is not too noisy." I have decided that this noisy fridge has affected my mental health.

I still haven't figured out how to break this news to my landlord.

1999 Dec 12 11:00 am; Filed under curator's pick, narcissism and tagged passionate diatribes.
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