Feelings of White   i wish i had raped the monkey but what i did instead was good too
Me, looking like Hot Sex inc. with my cool shades, a beer and my bountiful chest hair displayed for all to see
  • all
  • curator's pick
  • funny
  • narcissism
  • technical
  • the arts
  • the void
  • violent aggression
  • writing

Frog Smashing

There once was a frog who went tra-la-la along the glen until a big mallet hit him in the head and his brains oozed out of his little froggy skull and the mallet-holder said "haha!" and did a merry little jig.

This wasn't a solitary event. There was a miniature elf who had been running around making friends with these little froggys, only someone seems to be killing all his froggy friends.

He was going to make friends with a caterpillar but everyone pointed at the elf and laughed. Then they took off all his clothing and whipped him with a whip and gave him dirty rags to clean himself so he could stop bleeding all over the riverbank

One of the rocks got up and stole the moss from another rock. Then he thought about this and offered the moss back. "I'm sorry" said the one rock to the other. "I just got really excited at how neat your moss looked. I really didn't mean to take it from you. It was cruel and unusual and I should be punished."

Every night that week the elf went home and got stoned, then fell asleep watching deep space nine. He felt he should probably do something better with his life so he got some beer one time too. He'd go outside but the snowflakes keep clinging to him. Not just slightly clingy but that really soaking-wet-clothes-clingy.

The elf went outside and shot the rest of the frogs that hadn't been crushed by the mallet. Returned home and cracked a beer with the mallet guy. Life was good.

"Aw fuck. Now all my frogs are dead" the mallet guy said.

"yah... too bad about that" said the elf.

"And buy the way," said the mallet guy. "I don't need those fucking blueberries. I can hit the frogs just fucking fine without blueberries. Do I make myself fucking clear?"

The elf cracked a second can. "Sure.. whatever."


At one point this entry was a little to specific for my comfort, so it's been completely replaced with a much more vauge and frog-centric entry

2000 Jan 10 1:06 am; Filed under the void and tagged revisionism.
« Why do make your skeletons my problem? « before «
» after » The Jib Generator (now with bonus Anti-Jib) »
blog comments powered by Disqus

Subscribe

Recent Awesomeness

  • Neurotic Dad
  • #8 VA vs. Brevity
  • Lost in the Epilogue
  • Jamie Oliver’s Food Revolution
  • I shoulda got a fake fingernail
  • How did this shit get started?
  • Feeding the dragon, or plant, or.. shit I’m out of time
  • Why are you eating so much soy and corn?
  • Cop Out
  • I’m A Stay At Home Dad!
  • Firefly & Serenity
  • The Kitchen of Zarro Boogs
  • America’s Got Talent FTW!
  • Steamed Salmon with Tomato Basil Couscous
  • Dream Stealers Like Me

Other Opinions

Sorry, I know colors suck, I will fix it sometime...

Find things tagged

4400 Battlestar Galactica Battlestar Galactica cliff comics curation depression erron family fiction food funny game janine job kelly kyle liam lost manifesto meta mlp music nathan passionate diatribes plug poem Really Dumb Story relationships review revisionism sam sermon software spirituality star trek Star Trek Deep Space Nine suicide tamdhu testpoint the process travels video vlad wtf

What was I doing in..

  • March 2011 (2)
  • August 2010 (23)
  • July 2010 (4)
  • June 2010 (1)
  • May 2010 (2)
  • April 2010 (2)
  • January 2010 (1)
  • December 2009 (4)
  • November 2009 (2)
  • October 2009 (1)
  • August 2009 (2)
  • July 2009 (2)
  • June 2009 (1)
  • May 2009 (1)
  • April 2009 (3)
  • March 2009 (11)
  • February 2009 (6)
  • January 2009 (10)
  • December 2008 (3)
  • October 2008 (1)
  • August 2008 (2)
  • July 2008 (3)
  • June 2008 (1)
  • May 2008 (11)
  • April 2008 (7)
  • March 2008 (3)
  • February 2008 (1)
  • January 2008 (2)
  • December 2007 (1)
  • October 2007 (1)
  • September 2007 (3)
  • August 2007 (1)
  • June 2007 (3)
  • May 2007 (2)
  • March 2007 (5)
  • February 2007 (5)
  • January 2007 (13)
  • September 2006 (1)
  • June 2001 (3)
  • May 2001 (2)
  • April 2001 (2)
  • March 2001 (2)
  • February 2001 (1)
  • January 2001 (1)
  • November 2000 (5)
  • May 2000 (3)
  • April 2000 (5)
  • March 2000 (3)
  • February 2000 (3)
  • January 2000 (6)
  • December 1999 (17)

Copyright © 2009 Feelings of White | Powered by WordPress | Original site design by Stephen Reinhardt; tweaked by me