I'm not sure if it's a universal cover-up or just lack of awareness, but it seems everyone goes through post-teenage depression. My desire to kill myself as the end of my teenage days approached was rather pronounced (and obviously the "end-of-teenage" descriptor is rather vague, but find me a better one that doesn't involve the use of the word "angst") . Is post-teen-angst really that bad?
FUCKING HELL YES IT IS!
I thought I was unique. I thought I was the only one going through these horrible and brutal feelings. I was afraid, ashamed and alone and I lashed out as much as I asked for comfort. But now that I've experienced life a bit more let me tell you: I'm not alone. It seems everyone I meet has had some equivalent experience. Mention the word "depression" and watch everyone's face-mask change into one of understanding and empathy.
I used to live on the 17th floor of a high-rise apartment. Do you know what the most frightening aspect of this was? The number of people who stepped onto my balcony, looked down and made veiled suicidal comments. I wouldn't bother counting the number of people who did this. The easier number to track is the people who didn't make these comments (and the cynical view is that half of them simply weren't yet at the "cry for help" stage). "Wow... this is tempting!" didn't go unnoticed. It just wasn't something you wanted to discuss at the time. You were still too afraid.
It's looking more and more to me like a predictable stage in human development. Like puberty or menopause, suicidal depression and fed-up-ed-ness seems a standard thing. I find myself wishing I could tour the high schools and tell people
"Hey! I was suicidal! It is going to happen. Within the next few years of your life, you will want to end it. This is normal."
What makes this normal I don't think I'll ever be able to tackle. What it is in our society, our world, that makes depressiveness a normal phase of development - I don't know. I want to tour the high schools because I think awareness raising is important. Talking about these things helps. But I have to go to work tomorrow, so this webpage is the best I can do.
I have no idea what I'm trying to accomplish, I've got a webpage and a fringe benefit is getting to post whatever the hell comes into my head, and today this was it. I'm more-or-less non-depressive at the moment - so yay for me. Not everyone is going to hit the depressive stage - and if you don't great. Trust me when I say it's better to be avoided. But what I realized today is that a lot of people don't avoid it. It's my personal opinion that these numbers are not, like, one or two percent.. they're more like seventy or eighty percent.
I don't have answers, except to reach out. Eventually, you'll find someone who will respond.
I have no other answers. Someone has empathy. Find them. Take Care.