Feelings of White   i wish i had raped the monkey but what i did instead was good too
Me, looking like Hot Sex inc. with my cool shades, a beer and my bountiful chest hair displayed for all to see
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The Caribou Sex Survey (and the evil Dr. Hoof)

Have you ever been sexually attracted to an animal?
Yes
No

Was this animal a caribou?
Yes
No

When you found yourself attracted to the caribou, did you act upon these urges?
Yes
No

Did you act upon the feelings you had toward the caribou?
Yes
No
What?

Did you and the caribou mate?
Yes
No
What?

Exchange bodily fluid?
Yes
No
What?

Did you and the caribou hop behind the tree for a quick shag?
Yes!
What? Are you crazy! I'm outa here, this is too disgusting.

Did you use protection?
Yes
No

Male Was the caribou mad when you got her pregnant?
Yes
No

Did the father caribou get mad at you when he found out?
Yes
No

Did her mother?
Yes
No

Female Were you mad at the caribou when you found out you were pregnant?
Yes
No

Did your father get mad at the caribou when he found out?
Yes
No

Did your mother?
Yes
No

Were you and the caribou married at a church?
Yes
No

At a registry office?
Yes
No

By some guy on the street called Charlie?
Yes
No

Which of you supports the family?
I do
the caribou

Were you mad when the hunter shot the caribou?
Yes
No

Did you enjoy the caribou dinner that night?
Yes
No

How much were you left in the caribou's will?
Nothing
A twig
A few twigs
A lot of twigs
A pine cone
A tree
A grove
A forest

Were you sexually attracted to the hunter?
Yes
No

Were you embarrassed that the hunter was the same sex as you?
Yes
No

Did you act upon these urges?
Yes
No

Male Were you surprised when the hunter became pregnant?
Yes
No
Female Were you surprised when you became pregnant?
Yes
No

When did you first realize that the hunter was really the caribou?
Immediately
When I first saw the antlers
Not until after the cigarette
Not until after a couple of cigarettes
During delivery
After the 2nd child
After the 3rd child
After the 4th child
After the 5th child
When the caribou told me
I still haven't realized the hunter is in fact the caribou in a rather clever disguise


History: In high school, my computer teacher had a really... weird way of doing things. During the second half of the year, when we did programming, myself and a few others were basically allowed to do whatever the hell we wanted. He recognized that we were already way beyond the fundamentals being taught in class, so that was nice. Actually it was fantastic. But during the first half of the year, we had to do really boring things like "Track stocks for a month [learn to use a spreadsheet]" or "Type up two pages of your notes [learn to use a wordprocessor]".

I have no idea what the original assignment was, probably something to do with word processors.. or maybe we had to make a mini-database. Anyways, I wrote this because I was bored and handed it in and he refusued to accept it! This still mystifies me. Halfway through reading it, he kinda starts chuckling, but also throws his hands up and loudly proclaims there's no way he could accept it. I think his reaction was funnier than anything a caribou could ever do.

I still feel a little guilty about the time I tried to get him fired [no, it wasn't over this, silly-head].

2000 Mar 02 11:10 am; Filed under funny and tagged beastiality.
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