Does Third-Eye-Blind know they suck as bad as Hootie and the Blowfish? Did Hootie and the Blowfish know they sucked as bad as Hootie and the Blowfish. I'll give David Letterman his props. Anyone smoking a cigar on TV, endorsing Nine Inch Nails and able to watch calmly as Drew Barrymore flashes her breasts deserves some credit. But then he says he likes Hootie? as well as the Blowfish? Someone order that man a cat-scan!
The Sex Pistols knew they sucked. It was great. Johnny Rotten belting out that he was the Anti-Christ, but we all knew he wasn't. The Anti-Christ will be capable of holding a tune, it's in Revelations. They knew they sucked, we knew they sucked; it was all good fun. Until they tried a comeback, but we'll ignore that.
But as Puff Daddy churns out danced-up-cover after danced-up-cover it's like watching the drunk guy at the party who doesn't realize he's hitting on the football player's girlfriend. One of us should really go up to him and explain that we have more respect for Kenny G. I suspect the notoriously dead B.I.G. must have been someone who regularly pulled Puffy aside, slapped him around a bit and told him "Puffy, you suck." Because it wasn't until Biggy died that we began to hear the tune-less wonder. And why? He had lost his fear of anal rape. I mean compare the two - you know Mr. Combs was the bitch.
And someone teach that boy to dance! Standing still, waving your arms slightly and having the camera jiggle to simulate the appearance of moving just don't cut it. Maybe we could get him some lessons with Micheal Stipe. I'll reserve judgement on R.E.M. - their talent tends to fluctuate wildly. But Micheal's odd gyrations have always served to entertain and amuse. As his arms flail wildly about any given audience is asking themselves "how does he do that?"
But who ever asked Great Big Sea to cover the end of the world? Who listed to the original and said "Yah, great! But what we really need is for this song to be sung by people who have done songs with the word 'Shanty' in it. Preferably one where the lead singer bears a freaky resemblance ot George Clooney." What makes these guys really funny is the intensity they try to fake. Are they all ex-Moist bandmates? Kicked out for being unable to properly emote? "Get out George-Clooney-Man. Take your shantys elsewhere." "No No! Watch, I can do it: PuuUUUssh Juusst a little biiit mooOOOre - Eidle Eidle eidle idle edle idel oh!" "Noo! Be gone! Stop ruining my beautifly crafted songwork." Whatever you think of Moist, you have to admit their intensity emoting skills are up to par, and I'll leave that topic alone.
Much like Paul McCartney should have left well enough alone. Full props to the Beatles - and I liked both Paul and John. But only in the context of their band. Paul: you are Ginger Spice, enjoy the analogy.
Because growing old presents two options: The Rolling Stones or Madonna. I give Madona ¼ props for at least trying to remain fresh (by hiring Orb to do her work for her). But the Rolling Stones are basically Garfield and Peanuts on stage - ran out of new ideas many many years ago.
Time to end this rant, there are far too many easy targets left and I've got other things to do with my life.