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A fake later from the government. Re: P.A.T. Unit(s)

If you've ever seen those old news reels from the 30's to 60's, you've likely seen those wacky "house of the future" reels, with grand promises of what your life would be like, thanks to the miracles of science. My friend Cliff once sent an angry (but humorous) email to the government, wanting to know where his flying car, as promised by those reels, was.

Well, a month or three later, I clipped an article from a newspaper regarding a company that was actually trying to build one. I also happened to be contracting to the Alberta Government at the time, and managed to steal some envelopes and stationary...


Riseborough, C.
(Address Removed)

Re: P.A.T. Unit(s)

Dear Mr. Riseborough, C.

We have received and processed your recent e-mail regarding personal airborne transportation.

It should be pointed out that neither the Provincial nor Federal Government have currently, nor at any point in the past, made guarantees regarding the feasibility or distribution of personal airborne transportation units. While it is true that a few news programmes of the fifties and sixties did contain stories regarding 'flying cars', On further examination you will find that these news reels originated from the United States Government and/or private corporations.

However, we appreciate your interest in future transportation technologies and would like to assure you that the Alberta Government is firmly committed to meeting the technological needs of tomorrow. We are excited by the possibilities such technology may offer, but remain focused on safety, environment and economic issues such technologies would inevitably raise. Our primary concern is the impact this or any other technology would have on Albertans.

Although neither the Alberta nor Federal Government is actively developing the personal airborne transportation technology, several private Canadian and U.S. Companies are active in the field. Enclosed, find an article for your interest.

The main reason for this communiqué, however, arises from a number of newly created positions within the Alberta Government. You are no doubt aware of the year two-thousand computer problem and the amount of work being invested into fixing it. As these projects draw to a close new budgetary funds are becoming available.

Your original e-mail showed an obvious talent for humor and misdirection; skills we feel may be assets in certain publicity and training related employment opportunities. For example, had the Alberta or Federal Government truly been secretly keeping "flying cars" from the populous, as your e-mail implied, it would be to the Government and tax-payers advantage to have copy-writers working to properly contain such an endeavor.

Of course, I use this merely as an example. It should be reiterated that neither the Alberta nor Federal Government is actively developing the personal airborne transportation technology.

We appreciate your comments, they help us build a stronger Alberta. I look forward to seeing some samples of your work.

Sincerely,

(signature)

R. Boite

RB/fk

Encl. (1)


This was actually hard to pull off! I put enough effort into this to feel justified in bragging: The room where they kept the government envelopes was kept locked; but sometimes a bumbling government employee would leave the door open, so I had to wait until that happened, and wait until no one else was there to see me sneak in. Forging government documents is probably a rather serious offense, so good thing no one spotted me. The letterhead was actually easy to get.

At my mom's work, they have one of those "stamp machines" and I convinced her to use it on my envelope (look at any official or junk mail, they never use stamps, just some weird ink representation of one, or a little boxy-dealy-thing). On top of this, Cliff had sent the email months ago, so as a plausible excuse for the delay, I had to throw in that bit about Y2K. I had also never seen the letter, so I was shooting in the dark as to what he had actually said (I took it as a matter of faith that it contained elements of "humor and misdirection"). I also tried to keep the veiled references to government cover-ups as subtle as possible (I was pretty sure he'd pick up on it).

Well, the payoff was worth it. Cliff phoned me to tell me that a bunch of us were all meeting for coffee, and in passing tells me how he got this letter ("Remember how I sent that email to the government about flying cars?" "Uhh... ya, I think so." "Well they replied!"). I guess his mom was quite excited about Cliff maybe getting a job with the government. It was hard not to laugh all that night.. but I managed. Especially as he's pointing out to me bits about secret cover-ups. I guess Cliff figured it out shortly after (I had a plan to tell him, but it was too late). So, at least for a little while, I had him going. Man, sometimes I impress me.

2000 Nov 25 11:00 am; Filed under funny and tagged cliff, prank.
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