I bow to the brilliance of your story notes, it is obviously a much grander tale in the imaginations of Cliff! I too like the hoeverwaist idea. If the Visian's ever return to meance our heros, I may just return here for inspiration :DDD

But seriously, I'm glad you liked it!

Anyway, a few points...

1. Why isn't more attention paid to the fact that the Vlad character is clearly gay? I mean, come on, he only goes to talk to the hot babes because he feels obligated to keep up pretenses. Besides, after the Cliff character has gone rolling through, the hot babe stocks would obviously be sorely depleted.
2. Is the Liam character the 'wacky garage guy', sort of like Christopher Lloyd's Jim Ignatowski character from Taxi? Or is he the 'dumb guy' character, like Tony Danza's Tony Banta character from Taxi...or anyone else Tony Danza has ever played, including himself? Or did he used to be a pilot, but he can't fly anymore, cause of his legs being blown off? And now, instead of legs, cause they got blown off and stuff, he has this hover thingy attached to his waist, and he's this floating half guy!
3. Now, most of the characters speak in seriously butch overtones, especially Cliff, who is clearly a mega badass type, the sort you wouldn't want to mess with, because he's close to the edge, and you wouldn't like him when he's angry. The exception seem to be the Kyle and Erron characters, who seem to speak in the same weird, 'Hi, I have Downs' Syndrome' cadence as the narrator of the story. Was there a push to include special needs characters in the story, as some sort of heartwarming element of tenderness? Or, were they to be objects of mockery, hilariously wetting themselves during the final dance scene?
4. Is it just me, or is the James character not really fleshed out? I mean, come on, OBVIOUSLY he has a 'shadowy pas', but here, it's ignored, like it's not so much shadowy as murky. And that really gross looking murky, like it's a septic tank of mystery or something like that, the kind of mystery that would leave your hand smelling shitty if you went fishing around in there for the truth to his past, or a ring you took off, and stupidly set on the edge of the sink, and you knocked it down the drain because you're so fucking STUPID! What was I THINKING?!
5. How did the Shaun character suffer the severe head trauma that have left him in a severe vegetative state, except he's awake, and not in a coma? Only his brain is in the coma! Yeah, actually, that's pretty AWESOME! Good job! But did he get hurt fighting a Vishian hand to hand, and they both have laser knives, and they're on a narrow catwalk above a bottomless pit? Oh, and it's WINDY, so it's all SWAYING and stuff! Fuck, that ROCKS! I mean, really, Shaun probably just bashed his face in to a door when he woke up to a Battle Stations alarm, and took off running, and forgot to OPEN the door, but the pit thing woulda been SWEET!
6. How does the Cliff character find the time to exude pure awesomeness, what with all the killing aliens, banging models, fending off Vlad's desperate passes, building Liam's hoverwaist, teaching Kyle and Erron how to read, getting James all pissed, so he's always yelling "ClllIIIIFFFFFF! Get in here! You blew up a goddamn SPACE FREIGHTER?! You think this department can AFFORD this shit?!" and stuff, helping Shaun remember to breathe and shit...I mean, that's a lot of stuff!
Awesome story, man.

(In all seriousness, I am actually kinda liking the hoverwiast idea, though).