James has nothing better to do with an hour so it’s like

AWOOGA!! AWOOGA!!

I’m breakin’ all the rules baby… And in memory of all the dead Viet Cong, this page will be red.

Dead Frenchman alert. Dead Frenchman alert.

In memory of all the dead frenchies, this page will also be red.

SCENE: The Imperial Congress of the Entire World, esq.

New York: Why did you put "esq" there like that

Vancouver: Because "esq" is funny. Not Esquire, though, that’s a magazine.

Seattle: I want to be a flashing 3D rotoscope. Everyone imagine that I’m a kaleidoscope of colors. From now on when I say something, go "Hey, that freakin’ kaleidoscope is talkin’! What the freak!"

New York: Freak! Freak! Freak! Frickin’ Freek! S’up?

Vancouver: S’up? Seattle is a pansy!

Seattle: I’m not a pansy. Shut up.

Vancouver: You’re a pansy.

Seattle: Shut up or I’ll sisko yer ass.

Vancouver: Pansy! Pansy! Pansy with whipped cream on top.

<Seattle siskos Vancouver’s ass>

New York: Ha! Ha! You got siskoed.

Vancouver: Shut up all of yas. I’m going to Vegas.

So they all go to Vegas, and also Pam went to Vegas.

You are in a bar. New York, Vancouver, Seattle and Pam are here.

The Vegas music hums in the background.

>Inventory

>East

You move east:

You are in a casino with a number of slot machines. Various patrons are playing games of chance.

The Vegas music hums in the background.

>Look

Look at what?

>Various Patrons

You look at various patrons:

Various patrons are playing games of chance.

>Eat Various Patrons

Your enormous jaw opens up to devour the various patrons. They scream horribly as they are masticated beyond all recognition. Karma is satisfied.

You are in a casino with a number of slot machines.

The Vegas music hums in the background.

>Eat Various Patrons

You look around you, but are unable to find these various patrons.

>West

You move west:

You are in a bar. New York, Vancouver, Seattle and Pam are here.

The Vegas music hums in the background.

>Look vancouver

I don’t understand.

>Look at vancouver

You look at Vancouver:

Vancouver looks back at you

>Sisko Vancouver’s ass

You have siskoed Vancouver’s ass.

Vancouver sez Stop Siskoing my shit.

>Sisko Vancouver’s ass

You have siskoed Vancouver’s ass.

Vancouver sez Step off, bitch!

New York sez Ha! You got siskoed. Again!

Pam sez Will someone think of the children!

<Pam siskos Vancouver>

Vancouver sez Step the mo’fo’ off, bitch!

! Dead Frenchman alert ! Dead Frenchman alert !

>Get Dead Frenchman

You have a dead Frenchman.

>Inventory

>Use scroll on dead frenchman

Which one: The ancient scroll or the modern scroll?

>ancient scroll

You use the ancient scroll of indescribable power on the dead Frenchman:

As you read the ancient text aloud, the scroll begins to pulsate with an otherworldly glow harkening back to the very beginnings of time and beyond; burning with the very essence of creation. As you finish uttering its dark incantation the light beams toward the dead Frenchman and brings him back to life as the re-incarnated essence of golf legend Tiger Woods. The scroll crumbles to dust in your hands.

You have the re-incarnated essence of golf legend Tiger Woods.

Mr. Woods sez My shit is tight!

>sisko tiger woods

You sisko Tiger Woods

Vancouver sez Take that bitch! AWOOOGA!!

New York dances a merry jig. Soon everyone joins in and then Pam bitch-slaps Seattle. Vancouver busts a cap in Seattle on account of how he siskoed him earlier, then yells "North Siiyyde!"

"Step off, bitch!" Pam shouts, because the shit’s goin’ down. And Pam is an ultra bitch what you don’t mess wit’.

<Texas has entered the scene>

<Vancouver siskos Texas>

The Vegas music continues to hum in the background.