I’m working on a story. I don’t like to talk too much about projects I’m working on until they’re nearly done. I don’t want to bore you with the details and risk you being disinterested in the final product. Nothing’s worse than reading through a website that’s full of status updates. Jeez, either put something out or stop talking about it, eh? So I bend my own rule a bit today.
At this point I’m hoping, perhaps, just maybe, that I could be finished by next summer and release it then. I say that to give you an idea of how much effort I’ve got left to feed this beast and also, to curse myself. Because now that I’ve put something resembling a date out in public I shall never ever meet it. The plan at this point is release it through FeelingsOfWhite.com in a serialized fashion.
Well there, I’ve said it. I’ve mentioned it before to numerous friends but it’s still weirdly idealistic to be finally saying something to you my readers.
It’s bloody intimidating trying to pull words out of me every day. I’ve become a slave to my word count figures. I have an Microsoft Excel spreadsheet that charts my word-count, by chapter, over time. I am trying to consciously develop the habit of writing and my god my monkey mind does bounce around all over the place.
In meditation I will focus on my breath to the exclusion of all else. It is infuriating how easily one’s thoughts stray to to-do lists, idle remembrances, planning, yelling at oneself for failing to focus on the breath, thinking of the breath, thinking of how uncomfortable the legs are, ouch, cramping, I should really lose weight, I wonder if I’m going to make my work deadline - ack! focus on the breath.
Trying to make myself write is like that sometimes. I can be a slippery sonnovabitch when I want to be. Trying to change your habits is a hard hard thing. But I can do it. I will put in the effort required, and at the end, I’ll have my story.
Oh, and other actual content will continue to appear on Feelings Of White, but behind closed doors, I’m working on something incredible awesome to share with you. I am going to write some words and I believe you will get a thrill out of reading them. It’s going to take a long time. I’ll see you there.