How did this shit get started?
"Yo Cliff, it's James"
"Hey man, what's up?"
"Umm.... so I been doing this new hobby and y'know, it's really been going good. Anyway, I was wondering if you might be interested in joining us?"
"Us? Who? what are you talking about?"
"Oh, I forgot to mention, Chad's doing it and Kelly said he'd be up for it too. So if you joined that'd be four guys. I mean, it'd be epic. Really it works better if there's more guys."
"What? You still haven't told me what you are inviting me for."
"Oh, right, sorry. It's like, well everyone does it a little differently but it's like having pretend sex with different things. Like, I'm really partial to grinding on the sofa. Chad's got this thing where he just lays the hammer down on the edge of the coffee table. Kelly figures he's just going to grind against the floor, or maybe just hump the air."
"...."
"So there's a love seat, but also there's the satellite chair from the computer room we could move into the living room during rehearsals. You could totally just fuck that thing crazy."
"I'm not sure I understand the words you are saying to me at the moment."
"Yeah, I'm putting together a dance crew, where we just lay some pipe on the furniture, y'know? I know it sounds weird but a bunch of other guys are doing it on youtube and we could totally do it too, doesn't look that difficult. And these guys, once they get good, they are pulling in the benjamins. I'll send you a link to the video, these guys are loaded!"
"So you're getting paid to have sex with furniture?"
"Well no, not yet. But once we get better at it. It's like band practice!"
"Who is paying you to have sex with each other, this makes no sense!"
"Oh, well, I must have explained it bad. We aren't having sex with each other, that'd be totally gay. No, we keep our clothes on and we only sex up the furniture. Well maybe when you're kinda into it you rip off your shirt or something, but no it's nothing weird."
"This is sounding pretty fucking weird."
"No it's awesome, you gotta come over Thursday. We're gonna gang bang the office chair, it'll be Kelly's first time. You can join in. Plus, we keep practicing, mad benjamins, I'm telling you"
"So you share furniture? This sounds very very wrong. I don't want to join your hobby."
"You don't know what your missing. And like, you gotta develop your own style. If an office chair's not your thing, Chad's got an ottoman he's been talking poetically about."
"Oh wait? I can fuck an ottoman?! Why didn’t you say that immediately? I’m in, see you Thursday!”
fin.
This all started the video Cliff’s shared a few days ago. Here it is, Peer Pressure in all their glory:
If you are presently at work: do not allow co-workers to observe you watching this video
I've been laughing about this all day. I keep wondering “how did this happen?” They take such pride in this that you know this likely wasn’t the first take. They have been practicing a lot. In fact, there’s another video of them featuring synchronized “dancing” near a Christmas Tree. There actually is a vid where they wave hundred dollar bills, talk about how much money they make and dissing another crew (skip to 3:45, the first bit is completed unintelligible). The crew they dis also has a video (skip to the 2:00 mark to stave of boredom). So yeah, this is a thing. People do this. I still don’t know why. Maybe the answer is in one of those videos, I skimmed the ones I linked to.
It leads me to wonder how does it all start? What phone call leads to these events. How does this happen? Are they all gigolos? Has male prostitution just gotten really competitive? Oh man, this video broke my brain.
Cliff’s got his vivisectionist wit and mockery on full display in the post that led to this one, so I suggest you check that out. Maybe I shouldn’t be linking to Cliff, maybe I should be cursing him. It can’t be a good thing that I spent all day thinking of the Peer Pressure crew. Although, as Cliff’s fond of saying, Peer Pressure Works ;)
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