I shoulda got a fake fingernail
Next time I’m going to a proper nail salon and getting a proper fake nail put on, just like my wife suggested. Superglue just doesn’t bond to human nails as well as it does to human skin.
I am an inexperienced chef. N00b city. I’m not content to just overcook pasta or permanently blacken the interiors of our pots. A month or three ago I hacked my finger good enough to require stitches. I was in shock and thought I calmly turned to Janine and said we need to go to the emergency room. I was informed I also yelled quite loudly...
Definitely in shock. After wrapping my hand in a towel and waiting for Janine to get Nathan and the car ready, I cleaned the knife and continued to chop the mushrooms.
Thanks be given to Kyle’s brother Dr. Tyler, who helped keep my emergency visit short enough that I returned home just in time to eat the dinner I had started preparing, finished by Janine and Sandy, one of our dinner guests. Phone call I made: “Hey Mike, are you on your way? If you get there and we aren’t, it’s because I’m and the emergency room.” Mike: “Oh my god? Are you okay? Should we still come over?” Me: “Oh yeah, totally, I’ll just be a little late, you guys start without me.”
The moral of the story: If you want to get out of cooking dinner, stab yourself with a knife.
Oh wait, no the moral was get a fake nail. So I get stitches, I wear a bandaid, flesh heals, nails grow. It occurred to me that once the still severed nail reached the end of my finger a large triangle portion would easily catch on some stray fabric and rip off. See attached diagram. This is where I ignored my wife’s stellar advice to get a fake nail professionally attached and went the manly (stupid) route and decided to just super glue it together.
Sunday I was squeezing a lime with my nail and the superglue attached to the nail route came unglued. Thankfully the triangle of potential pain remains firmly attached to the large mound of hard crusty glue now covering my finger. I used a box cutter to cut back as much of the shell as I could and spent an hour or two calmly applying more superglue a drop or two at a time, waiting for it to dry, then adding adding another drop or two (when gluing glue to itself, it is strangely un-super). This is about the fourth or fifth time I’ve had to do this. A contributing factor to the day of Sparticus was the need to spend the duration of Nathan’s nap re-coating my finger.
Words with a ‘w’, ‘s’ or ‘x’ exert an unfamiliar force against my hand as the nail, so much longer than the rest, clicks against my laptop keyboard. I obsessively check my finger nail throughout the days to check it’s structural integrity. I need to be careful next time I squeeze a lime. I did not picture this scenario when deciding to improve my culinary skills.
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