We got a tiny black cockappoo puppy, he has destroyed ar carpet and tested us to our breaking point. Get rid of the dog... or learn to live with him and discover what he has to offer in return

One of the most liberating things I did was not define too closely what Projects was about. I came to view it as, literally, any of the Projects I was working on. Although my focus was always clearly on creative writing, let's start Part One with some of the most eclectic pieces.

An actual quote from my local paper:

I'm sure the URL will get taken down once someone figures out what time it is, so click while the clickin's good
Yah... they took it down. Fuckers. But we'll always have the image. Goddamn jackasses are prolly afraid of law suits or some suck malarkey, If [...]

It's 4.30a Monday; I haven't slept since Saturday and the buses don't start running for another hour. This is the sleep-deprived result of me writing whatever random crap flows into my head. A strange cross between a chat-room and an old-style text adventure which makes little, if any, sense.

From March 2000 to October 2000, I gave up on computers and became a big-rig truck driver. I had my share of headaches but also my share of fun. Highlights included sneaking off to Las Vegas for a weekend, hanging out at the Mall Of America and seeing Nine Inch Nails on tour. Sometimes funny, sometimes just what happened and sometimes a result of me staring at the road for hours on end. These are my trucking stories.

I was rooting through my harddrive and ran across this one. A practical joke I pulled on a friend about a year ago wherein they contact him regarding flying cars.

Liam's recent graduation from University has landed him a job with the mysterious InterTron. What mysterious plots might they be hatching? And will Liam ever overcome his fear of submarines? Not a sequel to the first. More like another installment in a series of dumb stories

I mean, seriously, stop sucking so bad you stupid god-less fucking losers.

"Do all retarded people wear sweat pants?" and other questions finally answered. Very offensive.

An angry letter I wrote regarding one of the more offensive rants I've ever encountered... sort of.

Have you ever been sexually attracted to an animal? Was this animal a caribou? (it's not quite as bad as it sounds)

So I got one of those email survey things today. And in light of the upcoming valentine's day festivities, I thought I'd answer it in the voice of a generic ex-girlfriend.

A somewhat sexual spoof of star trek centering around DS9, this was among the first things I ever wrote. To get back at Vash for her affair with Julian, Q grants Julian incredible sexual powers - to the dismay of the other men on board who are becoming suspicious as to why their girlfriends have suddenly started dumping them. Mixing in the very worst of The Original Series, Next Generation and Deep Space Nine.

Of course, you've probably heard the expression "I like the cut of your jib." What is a jib? Who knows! Come see the other sayings that were under popular consideration

Posted by popular request! A meandering tale that goes no where in particular and then stops abruptly.